I stopped breastfeeding and now I regret it

First time mum here, my baby is 7 weeks old. For the first 4 weeks I exclusively breastfed him, he thrives on it he was putting on so much weight, was happy, no problems latching etc. However, I had a very traumatic experience I had an emergency caesarean, the next day I had really bad postnatal sepsis where I was unconscious and needed to go to an intensive care unit, once we got home 3 days later I was unwell again and was diagnosed with pre eclampsia. As you can imagine all of this was a lot to deal with but somehow I managed to breastfeed through everything even when I was on the intensive care ward with sepsis I still managed to pull through for him. However when we went home and my husband went back to work, I was hit with postnatal depression. It was so bad I hated being a mum, hated breastfeeding and just didn’t want to be here. After a tough two weeks I made the decision to stop breastfeeding as I was really struggling mentally and needed to take the pressure off me and just didn’t feel like it was fair for him to have a mum who is crying all day and hates caring for him.

After I stopped my mental health has got SO much better. He’s now on Kendamil goat milk and tolerates it well apart from being very gassy (not sure if that’s due to infant dyschezia or formula). I’m not mentally so much better and absolutely love being his mum and feel so much stronger. However I can’t stop thinking about breastfeeding and how much I miss it. It’s been 3 weeks and I still somehow have breast milk when I squeeze. Today I tried to put him on just to see if he would take it and he did, he took to it straight away and looked so happy and relaxed. It made me feel so happy seeing him like that and I’m really really considering relactating and hopefully eventually being able to exclusively breastfeed again as I had a really good supply prior to stopping. I’m on the fence as I’m worried it might affect my mental health again even though I feel ready and know it will be difficult but I know I’ll be giving the best to my son and providing him with comfort.

I’m nervous as we’ve got into a routine with the formula and now it feels like starting all over again however I’m worried if I don’t try again now I never will and will eventually dry up completely. I would love any advice or see if anyone has gone through anything similar thank you x