I'm so disappointed and scared (long one, sorry)

TL;DR: I might have to change my course to online, but I really really don't want to. If I do, that means that I definitely won't cope with the degree I want to do. Recently found to have underactive thyroid and that has raised my hopes that there is a "fix it" pill and that my family were right that all if this is a result of that. But I know it's unlikely and the answer to that is coming closer, and I will fall apart if i have to readjust to this life.

In my head, if I move to an online course, it means that i could not get through those 2 days. And if I can't get through those 2 days, it means that I'm kidding myself about starting a radiography degree - which would be full on, with long days at uni and 12 hour shifts on placement. I was so, so excited for the degree. I already have a BA and MA in history, but I wanted to try something different, another thing that has always interested me - radiography.

A few months ago, i found out that i have an underactive thyroid. I suspect Hashimoto's, and we'll find out soon, as I've had more blood tests done this week. The doctor didn't want to treat me because my levels weren't low enough.

But since then, everyone around me has become convinced that that was always the problem, that my cfs and fibro were all caused by that. And that basically wormed its way into my head, so now I keep thinking that once I get medicated, there's a chance I will go back to... before. Or whatever. And I've been clinging onto that hope so hard, but the closer I get to finding out if my levels are bad enough to be medicated yet, the more I realise just how unlikely it is for medication to change anything. But I'm so scared of that, because that will mean that I can't do this, I can't progress with radiography.

And that makes me want to cry. I don't want to spend my whole life at home. I want a career I love and can be proud of. I want to be able to do what able bodied people can. I already gave up on so many aspirations because I knew I couldn't achieve them, feeling this bad. I'm so scared that nothing will change and I will have to come to terms with this life all over again. I feel hopeless 😭😭😭 I've been living off state welfare for a year now and I've even enjoyed being able to do things and not feeling like death from overworking myself every day. But I didn't want to stay like this forever, and I don't want to spend my life doing some job that I hate. I feel like everything that was good about me is being taken away by all these wretched health issues. I'm so tired of losing so much to it