CMV: Casual sex doesn’t have to be superficial

Most people see casual sex as this superficial thing where you’re just using another person to satisfy your sexual needs. And maybe that is the way many people see and engage in it, but I don’t think it has to be that way.

At its best, sex is fun, playful. It requires curiosity, openness, presence. It is pleasant and valueable in itself, like playing a game. You’re getting to know and connecting with another person in a very intimate way. And if not, then you are doing sex wrong.

An argument for casual sex being superficial is that it doesn’t last long. But I don’t think that only long-term connections are valuable. We wouldn’t say that of a friendship or romantic relationship after it ends.

The other argument may be that it has to be superficial because if it’s not, then you catch feelings and want more. But we don’t say that of say friendships, although it also may and does happen. But we don’t tell people not to connect too much with their friends lest they catch feelings.

So there isn’t anything inherently superficial about casual sex, although many and perhaps most people do practice it that way.