I'm lost !!

Hi guys, I need your help.

I'm a 21-year-old software engineer will be graduate this year , so last summer I tried to learn new tech to start my career and I felt uncomfortable. I felt like I wasted a lot of time. When I went every day to bed, I thought about why I'm living and why I should just kill myself, but then I thought about my mom and my family. The problem was that I tried to make money and failed and i compare my self with others why me . I felt like a loser who couldn't control myself, and I masturbated every day to feel good for one minute and boost my sadness.

Then, one month ago, I started to learn new skills and I stopped masturbating. I quit all social media because I knew dopamine was down in my brain and I couldn't focus. I felt tired. Last week, I bombed the interview and I made a problem with my family. I cried for the first time in years. I couldn't remember the last time I cried, which was 10 years ago. And then, last day, one of my ex-friends [middle school] who is a girl and studies with me texted me and she wanted to meet up.

You know, I didn't have any pictures of her because we only chatted a few times in six months. She did not put a real picture of her. But I met her and she was so beautiful. When I saw her, I fell in love. To be honest, I don't have a girlfriend. I know girls, but she knows every single one of my secrets. So after that, she met me to say goodbye because her family was leaving my city , It's hard to find a girl like her in this world. Furthermore, I was shocked again and felt more depression.