A weight has been lifted

Hello everyone. For the majority of my life until I turned 18 and joined the military I was raised Christian. Parents had certain rules raising us like what shows we could watch or what video games we could play but nothing too crazy. Grew up going to church pretty much every Sunday and sometimes Wednesday until I reached high school where there was just too many scheduling conflicts. Fast forward to when I joined the military, I went through what all Christians call "the lowest point of my life". However, without having god at the center of my consciousness I didn't run to church or suddenly start reading my Bible to magically fix my issues. In fact, I suffered for a long 5/6 months until I pulled myself out of my slump with the power of fitness. I channeled those feelings into a driving force to improve my mental and physical health. That's where I first kind of thought about how so many Christians turn to god at that point in their life and they couldn't have done it without him, but it's clearly possible.

Fast forward to present day. I'm still not religious but occasionally go to church because I'm like "eh what the heck. Why not". Last week I'm browsing YouTube when I come across a video talking about the religion of Scientology. I'm not going to go into that but essentially I ask myself how anyone believes that crap. Turns out most people are born into it, just like christianity . Anyways, I start going down the religion rabbit hole and end up looking into Mormonism because most people growing up made fun of it myself included. I read about their doctrines and their origins and again I'm asking myself how do people fall for this? Which then makes me take a step back and self-reflect. Wait. I was born into Christianity as well so that's why I don't think it's weird. Now hold on, let me look at their main source of faith, the Bible. I revisit it and read the sickening stories and overall find myself thinking "wow this stuff sounds just as crazy as the others." Further research points out inconsistencies and chronological mistakes. I'm left shaken to the core as I finally see how messed up growing up in organized religion can be. Pastors and such would gloss over the horrific acts their god committed and point instead say "but look what good he did here". The Christian god sounds like a horrible dictator and not the loving Father that I was raised to believe.

The final breaking point I had was when I made friends with some Japanese folk. The majority of Japanese people are atheist however they are kinder and have treated me better than so called Christians or Mormons. But because they don't believe in anything I'm to sit here and be fine that my "god" won't let them have a peaceful afterlife? The Christian god says that nature is enough proof that he exists so there's essentially no excuse for anyone not to believe in him. (Romans 1:20) But that seems unfair and illogical . Most Americans know about the concept of god because it's ingrained in our culture tracing back to our founding fathers. You're to tell me that if you were born in a place in the world and never heard of god and you don't believe in him because even though there's nature, you're f**cked? Seems unlucky and again illogical. You bring these points up to the common Christian and they're left saying we don't understand god or you just have to have faith etc. They also claim that their religion is the one true religion, but other religions do this as well. They will say that it's just the truth but all it can be without experiencing death is a strong hypothesis. Anyone who claims to have all the answers when it comes to anything is foolish. I do believe that humans were meant for a greater purpose than just to grow old and reproduce since we have the capacity to think, however I no longer am a Christian nor believe in "god" as the way they see it. How could we even begin to try to understand a being like that? And honestly it's okay to admit you think there could be a god or not or to simply say "I don't know". That's the beauty of the human mind. Stay safe.