I'm genuinely curious

So to preface, I'm like, 99% out of the church. It's not completely official, haven't removed my records. But my parents don't ask me why I don't go to church anymore and they're aware I drink coffee and don't do the sabbath. They're mostly cool with it, though we do disagree politically here and there.

Speaking of politics, I'm struggling to find a bright spot in it all. Regardless of whether or not the media is fear mongering or doing it on purpose or whatever, things in the U.S.A. suck right now. And as a young adult (literally turned 21 earlier this month lmao) I just am not seeing the point in trying to pursue or fight for my future. Because with the overwhelming unsavory details and people about, I just can't shake that old TBM thinking that it all means that it's coming to a head.

I'm not sure if predictions are consistent across all members regarding the infamous second coming, but I was always told as a kid that it would basically be like, the end of the world. And I grew up liking pop culture, so you can imagine that I had a pretty good idea what that could look like, even at a young age. The whole "it's the last days" spiel was really drilled into my head when I hit upper primary and YW. How all the suffering would happen and if anyone cursed god during that time would be instantly burnt to a crisp or some other such nonsense. I was always told that an increase in natural disasters, wars, crime, obscenities, what have you, meant that the time was drawing ever closer. And as much as I can logically say that the "last days" comment has been overused for some time now, it's still one of those things they implanted and I can't shake the dread.

It all seems hopeless to make a long story extremely short. I remember feeling this way when I was battling with doubt, still fighting to stay in it. Because if god can stop my heart whenever he feels like it, if the end is so very nigh at hand, what would be the point of even living? Can anyone else relate?