My future is bleak because fascism is destroying my life

I am very frustrated with what's going on. I decided to vent because I have been tired of feeling like shit since the end of Jan. I am an international student and this is my first serious application cycle for PhD in Public Health. In this cycle I did my due diligence, reached out to PIs I would like to work with, talked with them over the phone, zoom, and email, some got back to me, and some did not. I tailored my SoP to my top schools and asked and followed the advice from lots of people I admire. I attended info sessions and reached out to PhD students and all of that, but so far I got nothing.

I knew that my research interests regarding immigrant and mental health are niche, and the research methods I would like to use from mixed-methods to psychosocial/psychological autopsy to some extent not a "money-making" approach, but I strongly believe in the work that I want to do and in the social justice for my population. Believe it or not, my work is so difficult to do outside academia, and even if I could pursue it, academia will not acknowledge it because they are the gatekeepers of what gets to be "knowledge". Moreover, I can't afford it financially, I simply can't. This is why I applied for PhD, to get a space to do the work that I want to do.

But Trump and his admin shattered all of my hopes. First I got furloughed from my job because of the funding freeze, and tbf it's looking like they are going to lay us off by the end of this month. And now as an immigrant in the US living in a fascist reality, I am at risk because my status could be jeopardized at any second if I couldn't find a new job, and in my field of work, the competition is so high because everyone who got furloughed or laid off plus new grads are applying for the same positions. I don't blame any of them, we all got to eat, and best of luck to all. I blame people who did not give a shit when they were able to stop all of this, I blame those who decided not to fight back because it's in their best interest. You could have done something when you could've but you decided not to.

At this moment, I don't really know what to do. The option of returning to my home country is frightening me not just because of my personal safety and the shitty war and extreme corruption ongoing for almost two decades, but because I will have to restart again, I have to build up my life again and I am just so tired. Regardless of how bleak my future looks, I still have hope, but I am sad, I am really sad because I feel very unlucky.

Thanks to anyone who read this.