I’m one inch away from quitting this sport

Hockey gave me community during the pandemic. Hockey helped me through post-breakup blues (see my post on it). Hockey is still my favorite team sport. Before posting this I reread my old post about how it takes you to a different world and engages the whole mind like no other sport can.

But now I’m an inch away from quitting.

The learning curve is so effing steep. Skating forward is one thing. But the balance, technique, agility, and stamina required is unreal. Edges, crossover turns, backward skating, turning around, changing direction, crossover starts, simply being able to move around the ice with confidence feels like a foreign language I’ll never get. Now add the puck and it’s a comedy of errors. The slightest loss of balance and I shank my shot or overskate the puck. Even simply chasing after loose unpredictable pucks is frustrating because I’m not quick enough to reward my anticipation. My left foot outside edge is alright but my right foot outside edge keeps slipping, so I have no confidence with those crucial crossovers. I’ve done stick times, private lessons, group clinics… they’re all fun but I don’t feel like I’m improving. I can see my own improvement with other hobbies like running, pickleball, weight training, foreign languages, musical instruments. But not hockey.

The fear of injury. I’ve almost been paralyzed from this sport. Someone fell on my back while I was down. Since then, I have not been able to play with the reckless courage required to skate with the aggression that this sport requires. I am fearful of approaching the wall, for fear of colliding and hitting my head.

And worst, team jerks. I joke they have a “quack at joining the Ducks.” I’ve been chewed out for “not staying on my side” on offense. I know these guys are completely wrong. But one guy even threatened to fight me outside the rink. I’ve been called worst winger ever by a teammate. If you feel that way, why should I pay big money and time to play in a beer league and be fking abused like this?

Honestly if you feel that way, I’ll leave. I really don’t want to ruin your weekend.

It sucks, team jerks are the reason I quit hockey as a kid, and team jerks are a reason I’m quitting now. Again, hockey is still my favorite team sport. But I’ve been pushed to the edge. Is this sport still the best use of my time and money??

Thoughts?