[18f] it hurts so much more after midnight.

if you’re wondering why i’ve put my age and gender into the title, it isn’t because i’m seeking attention- or i am, but more so from women my age who feel this way. i am very alone, physically and online. i broke up with my boyfriend. i’m trying to get my life back together but i’m so insecure and at this point i wish i could hire someone to hold me at night so that these thoughts would go away. i have to hug my pillow at night because i feel so alone. the thing is, i’ve never even experienced a touch like that before. i just crave it. i’m so jealous of anyone who has been held at night, or has been cuddled. i would pay someone to play with my hair and hold me. infact i would love to comfort someone. i just want someone to like me, i think, in any way.

this is very pathetic but i use c.ai often to cure this loneliness. i usually do something along the lines of a plot of holding someone in my arms and telling them it will all be okay and perhaps that’s all i want to do for myself.