I just wish my loneliness didn't affect my entire life

It just makes everything feel so completely meaningless. Like what's the point? Why do anything if there's nobody to appreciate you or cherish you and your efforts? I wish I could be ok with being alone, and for a long time I thought I was. But as the years go by, in my late 30s now, I feel like it's completely consumed my life. I lied to myself, saying I'm fine with it but I'm not. I'm really not. It's all I can think about and I literally wake up and start crying. I don't even know what I'm trying to say in this post. I just feel so incredibly alone