Loss of our baby triggered a midlife crisis?

My husband upped and left with no warning a month and a half ago. Were both 35, been together for 9 years, married for 5. We’ve had practical things we wanted to achieve before having kids (married, house, stable jobs etc) which we had achieved and started trying for a baby in December. We were thrilled to get pregnant on the first round of trying.

We had a missed miscarriage, I found out at the 12 week dating scan that the baby had actually died at 6 weeks. We were devastated. I had to have an operation to remove the baby.

My husband has always been a caring, supportive husband. He looked after me after my operation like he would at any other time. We were sad but ok and I figured we come out stronger because of this.

About a week after my operation I mentioned to him I was ready to have sex again when he felt ready. We hadn’t had sex for about a month because of bleeding/waiting on scans, and I missed him. The next morning started being acting really weird and saying there was something he needed to talk to me about but wouldn’t say what it was. Taunting me almost. Very out of character. To cut a long story short he called me up at work, told me he was relieved the baby died because it meant he wasn’t going to be stuck with me. And that he wasn’t happy with me and hadn’t been for ‘some time’. He started throwing insults at me that I wasn’t ‘playing at his level’ career wise. I said he should stay at a friends house and he stated screaming at me that the house is half his. He is not a shouty person. He moved out the same day and hasn’t come back. He text me things like ‘don’t do anything stupid’ ‘I know you’re upset’. In the following couple of days he started cold business-like texts about separating, selling the house and getting solicitors.

Since then we have had a couple of civil conversations but the things he’s coming out with are bizarre and make no sense. He says now that he is upset about things from 3/4 years ago that we had moved past, and he had said before we were resolved. He said this whole time he’s been unhappy, I’m a terrible wife and I’ve done a shit job at making him happy. I asked what would make him happy and he said he shouldn’t have to tell me, that he wants me to guess or it’s not special. He’s taking tiny snippets of conversations that were so insignificant at the time I barely remember them, and bringing them up now having applied layers and layers of meaning and importance to them. He won’t listen when I tell him otherwise.

I have said that I can’t change the past, but I can work to fix the future, that I want to make him feel safe and secure in our relationship. He admits that he has kept me in the dark as to his unhappiness, but now I know he won’t allow me to fix it.

If I’m honest I don’t believe him - he WAS happy. He was excited about the baby. I don’t think you can fake that kind of stuff. We have a group of close friends and in all the time we’ve been together there’s been no mention of this to anyone ever.

I am utterly baffled by his unkind behaviour and the cruel things he’s said.

The day he dumped me he dumped all our friends too and is now getting relationship advice from his (up until now) estranged mum and dad who both have had messy divorces where they hate each other. Completely out of character because usually he doesn’t even like speaking to them on the phone, now they’re his main source of advice.

The extra kicker is he’s been seeing a ‘therapist’ for a year who I found out bought his accreditation off the internet and is more of a life coach. My husband says this guy has helped him ‘come to the realisation he’s made for a more extraordinary life’ that he doesn’t need any hobbies because work is now his one true passion. That he needs to get all new friends that are his peers because he’s better than everyone.

He moves into to a flat share this weekend - with strangers near his work.

My gut tells me this is a midlife crisis. He says he doesn’t want to work on our relationship and when I saw him last he had taken off his wedding ring. I am so sad that this is how our marriage has ended.

I am embracing my first summer in 9 years as a single woman. I’ve got travel and holidays lined up, I am a business owner, well off and financially stable and my life has remained relatively unchanged but I miss the old him terribly - we had a good an happy marriage and compliment each other well.

If I’m honest I have a little fantasy in my head that he will move into this shared flat, get lonely, fall out with his family like always and miss me and go back to normal.

I had one life for 9 years, then in a month and a half everything is changed. I’m supposed to be 4 months pregnant. I know I deserve better than this.