Post Op Depression

I had my second open heart surgery (first was as an infant) over 2 years ago at nearly 30. I had the Ross procedure and had a very successful recovery. I got 3 months off of work and felt near 100% physically after 2.

The hardest part for me was going back to work, and the depression that came along with it. I had just gotten to spend 3 months home with my family and just dreaded going back to the 40 hour work weeks. I hit my deepest depression at about 4-5 months and talked to some therapists and got through it.

Ever since my surgery, I’ve just never felt the same. I was always a happy person before surgery. Had some anxiety about my health, but never really any depression. Since the surgery, things just feel more dull and blah. It is weird to say, but I feel like recovering post op is the last time I truly just lived in the moment and didn’t worry about anything. All I cared about was getting better, and it was pretty easy to track my progress. I could track it by how far I walked, how regular my heart rate became, how much weight I gained.

I was just wondering if anyone else has felt like this multiple years after surgery. Like nothing else is as clear cut and has the immediate importance of recovering from surgery. I have a few young children who make my life better every day, but their lack of clear “to-do’s” in day to day life is something I had in recovery that I miss, as weird as that is to say.