Contemplating abortion daily

Every second my body hurts and every minute or two I think about abortion. I was pregnant back in August of 2024 and terminated, only to get pregnant on purpose sort of to try to fix the hurt I felt from the abortion but the feelings are still there. I’m already 31. I got my dad involved in the last abortion and I saw how much it hurt him. I’m embarrassed to tell him I’m pregnant again. I’m just so disgusted with myself and my body.

My partner doesn’t want me to abort and cries when I tell him. My last abortion affected him to. I’d have to travel out of state to get it done. He makes really good money to be able to provide but idk something feels off and I’m tired of how horrible I feel. I don’t think I want this baby enough to fight this discomfort but if I have an abortion my partner might throw it in my face daily again or leave me.