As a closeted Gay man in Punjab, its very difficult to adjust in toxic society.

Hey there,

I want to share my experience as a closeted gay man in Jalandhar, Punjab. I’m almost 30 years old and currently engaged to a girl, living in Gurgaon. Like many other gay men I know in Punjab, either married or have moved abroad,there’s really no in between. I don’t want to ruin anyone's life, but I can’t move abroad either since I’m involved in the family business. I’m just stuck, to be honest.

Even when I go to LGBT parties in Ludhiana or Amritsar, I see the same thing: guys living a double life. Most are married with kids and desperate for sex. The single ones aren’t as desperate as married. I’ve lost hope in that scene and I don’t want to live a life of double standards. But it feels like I’m caught in this loop, too.

I could be blunt and refuse to marry, but it’s not about lacking courage. My family is very social and they’ve done a lot for me. All they want now is for me to get married. I don’t want them to emotionally suffer in their 50s, and I don’t want to live a life of regret or unhappiness either.

Things would be a lot easier if society were more progressive and accepting. I would be happy to live single for the rest of my life if it takes, and I’m still a good-looking guy who has the potential to make someone feel loved and fulfilled.

I’m just curious, how many of you live a similar life or relate to this in any way?