Looking for insight and advice

I'm struggling with finding my "spirit". I feel like I don't know who I am or know myself at all. I mean this in both a spiritual sense and an egotistical sense.

For example, I tried to respond to an email my boss sent me today about simply what I enjoyed and disliked about my job and I couldn't do it. I don't know what I like and dislike. I don't know who I am. What do I like and dislike?

I feel pretty emotionless or numb most of the time and it really bothers me. I want to feel full emotions. This has been going on since I was a child and i'm 24 now. I bring this up because i feel this could be part of the reason why i feel i don't know myself. The world is grey and I'm just here existing. It's depressing, i feel depressed.

I try to be here now and it eases my pain when I can get into a present mind state but it's not easy to get to that state. My mind almost never stops muttering

It feels like my very soul or spirit is gone or the life force has dwindled down to almost nothing. There is no energy inside of me. Very rarely I feel "good" and full of energy.

I remember being a kid and when I had a bad dream, I would wake up and feel so happy to be alive. I haven't felt happiness like that in a long time. I want to be happy that i'm alive again. Happy for existing.

I'm sorry to bring a depressing post into the subreddit but this is my everyday reality and I worry things won't change for me. I love Ram Dass so I thought this would be a good place to post. I don't really know what to expect