Success Story: 2.5 year old

I wanted to share my success story for anyone going through something similar with a toddler, since I completely empathize with desparate 2am Googling for help.

Additional context: my daughter is just over 2.5 now and can understand us very well.

Six months ago, my completely sleep trained daughter went through a MAJOR sleep regression, triggered by switching daycares at 2 years old. She went from going to sleep on her own and sleeping 11+ hours to needing one of us in the room with her until she fell asleep. At first we actually had to stand over her crib, but then we were able to sit on the floor. For six months we'd set her down in her crib and then sit in her room for an hour while she settled.

I tried so many different things: chair method (failed as soon as I tried sitting outside the room), changing the hatch to be a different color for wake up (cool experience for her but did nothing to help the issue), letting her have what she wanted in her crib for comfort (she now has 2 stuffed animals that I have to tuck in, a water bottle, a small towel, and her pillow and blanket). We got her to the point where she was sleeping through the night again until recently.

Five weeks ago, things got REALLY bad (likely caused by me going on a business trip followed by a personal trip): half hour long screaming meltdowns, multiple wake ups a night, 4am wake ups. We were all miserable and reached our breaking point a two weeks ago.

I stumbled across this comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/sleeptrain/comments/1c2nt2p/help_resleep_train_25_year_old_cio_again/?rdt=58501 and honestly it changed my life. I followed it pretty closely, though added some bribes because I was desperate and my daughter responds well to them. So throughout the day pretty much from the moment she woke up I followed this script (breaking it up and making her repeat parts of it back to me):

“Mommy’s going to read you three books tonight and sing you one song. Then, mommy’s going to leave the room and you’re going to go to sleep by yourself. If you go to sleep like a big girl, you can have ice cream!”

When I put her down that night she stalled a bit, asked me to swap out her stuffed animals, asked me to stay. I just repeated that she would get ice cream if she slept like a big girl by herself. I didn’t do any CIO because I felt like she needed to trust that I was there, so I did go back in every time she called me. She did cry for me in the middle of the night, but I was very easily able to get her to go back down by patting her back, reminding her about the ice cream, and then leaving again. And I did follow through and give her ice cream the next day.

Two weeks later and I can put her down in her crib and leave the room, without bribes and only one or two returns to change her stuffed animals or give her a high five. These are also tapering down because we're talking about not asking me to come back after I set her down. She hasn’t woken up through the night for two days.

Another thing I’ve changed that seems to be making a dramatic difference is becoming way more firm with my boundaries. I’ve been the “timer mom.” Every time I ask her to something and she’d push back, instead of saying no we’re doing this now, I’d be like okay fine you can have two minutes, here’s a timer. Or I’d give in to her tantrum.

I complained about this to her daycare teacher about how she was being so willful during baths and she lectured me about how I needed to be more stern and give in. Not going to lie, I was a little annoyed, but I figured I’d give it a try. It was super humbling when my daughter immediately responded well to it. Tantrums stopped. She got into her bath with zero complaint. Stalling for everything has dramatically lessened.

When she pushes back now, I say things like, “We’re doing this now” and walk away until she follows me. “Mommy doesn’t like that.” The important thing is that I say things in a firm tone and follow through. I DO let her win some battles, but for small things.

I know this is a novel but I hope this helps someone. If you're going through this right now: good luck, and I hope it gets better for you soon.