Anxious and angry

Turning to anonymous strangers because I’m not quite sure where else I want to. I am 32F with a 2.5 year old and 3 month old, amazing family/husband, happy job, etc. All the things. And I can’t seem to stop jeopardizing that with over drinking. I had my second daughter in August. To preempt some pretty intense postpartum anxiety I upped my Zoloft to 100mg (from 50) in the second or third trimester, which I think is really not helping the situation. Basically ever since she was born nearly every time I drink I go zero to one million and black out, lose the ability to stand, the whole nine yards. This happened pre-meds but it was much rarer. My husband has been so understanding but after last night (a white tie event with my parents) he’s pissed and I don’t blame him. It’s mortifying for all involved. And I’m terrified of fucking up my girls if they ever saw that. I want to be the person I am in their eyes. At the moment, with my lifestyle I don’t know how realistic fully stopping is but I know something has to change. Any tips/support would be so appreciated 💜