Same cycle of self hate

Morning all. I just woke up after another night of drinking with cuts and bruises all over me. I’m so ashamed and embarrassed even though I have no idea if I have done anything bad, because I blacked out. I hate myself so much. I want to crawl into a dark hole. I hate that I keep doing this destructive behavior. I feel like the self hate is one of the hardest things about hangover after drinking. I just want to be better. But there’s no way when alcohol is in my life.

How do you guys cope with self loathing? This is a relatively new thing for me, (26F) as in I never faced this kind of self hatred in after drinking when I was in college.

I’m done, I have to be. Here I go on day 1 of another attempt. Obviously, getting sober is the long term answer; but any short term suggestions?