What am I not seeing?

"If you have to hide it, it's bullshit. If you have to defend it, it's bullshit. If you have to convince yourself that the good outweighs the bad, it's bullshit. If you have to tell people they just don't understand, it's bullshit. And you know it is."

I do it and I know it. But I don't see the bad side.

I drink but I don't hurt anyone. I don't cry. I don't get really drunk. I don't get loud or abusive. I don't drink until I black out.

I don't like being really drunk but I like that fuzzy feeling. I drink until I'm tired, then I go to sleep. I take the edge off the everyday crap.

I function.

Although I am of course aware that I am limiting my potential in some areas.

I drink every day and have been doing so for a long time.

Why should I stop? Nobody suffers because of me. I don't have children.

And here too I know that the essence of addiction is speaking through me.

Am I ready to let go of alcohol? I don't feel it.

Do I have to hit it hard first?

I hope not. I still think I can get through it.

When I'm ready, will you be there? What do I need to get to this point? What am I not seeing?