my first toki pona translation of a song

toki! just wanted to make sure that this translation was accurate before publishing it on youtube (if i do). the song is "the house of the rising sun" by the animals

tomo li lon ma Nu Olin ## There is a house in New Orleans

nimi ona li suno sin ## They call the Rising Sun

ona li pakala e jan ike mute ## And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy

sewi o! ona li pakala e mi kin ## And God, I know I'm one

mama meli mi li pali e len ## My mother was a tailor

ona li pali e len laso mi ## She sewed my new blue jeans

mama mije mi li weka e mani ## My father was a gamblin' man

lon ma Nu Olin ## Down in New Orleans

jan pi weka mani wile taso e ni: ## Now the only thing a gambler needs

e poki e tomo tawa ## Is a suitcase and a trunk

ona li pona, taso tan ni: ## And the only time he'll be satisfied

ona li moku e telo nasa ## Is when he's all drunk

(musi pi ilo kalama) ## (Organ solo)

o toki tawa jan ale, ## Oh mothers, tell your children

o pali ala e pakala mi! ## Not to do what I have done

o weka ala e lon sina ale lon ni; ## Spend your lives in sin and misery

lon tomo pi suno sin! ## In the house of the Rising Sun

mi sona ala e lon pi tenpo kama mi ## Well, I got one foot on the platform

mi o tawa ala tawa ni? ## The other foot on the train

mi wile kama e jan pakala tan ## I'm going back to New Orleans

mi tawa ma Nu Olin ## To wear that ball and chain

ma Nu Olin li jo e tomo a, ## There is a house in New Orleans

nimi ona li suno sin ## They call the Rising Sun

ona li pakala e jan ike mute ## And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy

sewi o! ona li pakala e mi kin ## And God, I know I'm one

notes:

-im using "suno sin" as a translation for rising sun because it's short, rhymes with kin, and i couldnt find another way

-jan ike in "ona li pakala e jan ike mute" doesn't mean bad people, it's more unfortunate people. i didnt want to cram 2 pakalas in one line

-i ran "jan pi weka mani" (my translation of gambler) through a toki pona translator and it said it meant bankrupt. then i wanted to know what it interpreted gambling as, and it said "musi pi ilo musi". just a fun thing i found

-the line "mi sona ala e lon pi tenpo kama mi" used to be "n, mi sona ala e ni:"

-the translation used to have a lot of "... ni:" but i got rid of some

-making this i realized how bad i am with particles

-this isnt anything serious, just a bit of fun

-this is actually my second translation, my first one was a miserable failure (the beatles - a day in the life)

-god damn toki pona uses a lot of syllables