I cut off the people that took me in.

My aunt and uncle took me in at a young age(5) We will call them Anita and James. My biological parents were heavily addicted to drugs and couldn’t take care of me. James ,who took me in, worked in law enforcement so he knew it was right to take me in. I ended up living with Anita and James until the age of 10 when my bio mom became pregnant with my little brother and decided to get clean. Living with my mom showed me a lot.

Her kind words and actions toward me.The peace I felt in her arms.She was my best-friend. This made me realize how much of a toxic environment Anita and James put me in. Anita was a raging alcoholic and her anger was put toward James and me. Me because I wasn’t her child, and James because he saw me like his own child. She was jealous of me because my uncle James took me in so easily. He cared for me the way he did for his other children and she didn’t like that. She would use my mom’s behavior against me. She would tell me my mom left me and that I would never see her again. Instead of comforting a child who lost her parents, she used it to hurt me even at the age of 6. She treated me like an outcast. I had to wash dishes while her children played. I was called lazy and pitiful over and over again.

At the age of 6 I started pulling my hair out due to anxiety. She judged me instead of getting me therapy. My uncle was a good man. But the times she was yelling at me and not him he was just grateful to be off the hook. The times he did try to stand up for me she would make it out like he was disloyal and chose “someone else’s kid” over his wife. So to be out of that house at 10, I was relieved. I could come home and feel safe.

Sadly my mom relapsed 3 years later. my brother was 3 and I was 13. I saw my mom’s behavior changing and thought she was depressed. It started with her staying up all night, she never slept and I could see it in her face. The bags under her eyes. The paleness in her face. I tried to help her. I made sure she ate and I tried to help her sleep. I took care of my little brother because she started disappearing. She’d tell me she had shopping to do or a friend to meet. And wouldn’t be seen for another 5 hours. This went on for 6 months and progressively got worse. She started seeing things and trying to convince me they were real. I stopped eating and all I cared about was getting her better. Her being on drugs never crossed my mind. She physically and mentally abused me to the point i one day I called my uncle James and told him I was in danger. He showed up immediately and took me and my little brother. It hurt knowing I failed to help her.

I told Anita and James that she was just mentally ill and that drugs were not a part of it. I truly believed that. Until Anita got frustrated with me taking up for my mom and showed the bags of meth they found in my mom’s house into my lap. Screaming “SEE, SEE THIS? SHES A SCUM!” it broke me. I felt like I had been stabbed in the back. My mom took the only happiness and freedom I had. I knew I would be stuck with Anita and James again and I was. Anita repeatedly told me “just because of your situation we aren’t going to pitty you, you’re just like everyone else” I needed therapy. I started sh myself to feel something. I became so numb it felt like I was constantly being stabbed but couldn’t defend myself. Everyday was a battle. My uncle James divorced Anita when I turned 18 due to the abuse. And I moved out immediately. I am now 20, engaged and happy. But Anita tries to reach out to me. Acts like I am avoiding her for no reason. She never apologized but acts like i am ungrateful and should contact her. Should I feel bad for avoiding her?