Feel like im about to go insane

I feel so unbelievably trapped out of my mind. I have been trying to move out from my parents so I can be authenticly myself for half a decade now. My wick is so short from masking my gender I don't know what to do. I have needed to come out like yesterday. I feel like im going to snap one of these days from the pressure.

I don't have any friends, my family has tried to kick me out multiple times from me opening up about myself, name calling, etc. They have at least met me in the middle so I have started hrt and laser. They try to neutralise pronouns at least but dad always slips up and doesn't correct.

I'm finding I am struggling going to work due to the fact I have to boymode and mask with all the customers and co workers. I haven't been sleeping or eating properly. People at work notice. Right now I have been balling my eyes out by the thought of going in there today and acting like a guy + getting envious of so many people in there. My energy to put up this act is so low. I have support but they are already doing everything they can (acon, maple) my hair makes me especially dyshoric

I just feel like im gonna snap soon. I have had suicidal idealations but I really don't want to do that. I'm just so trapped with feeling like no way out. I feel so bitter towards the world