A Question Of Guilt

This is out of curiosity and it's mainly directed at widows and widowers who are farther down the healing road than others. When you started to snap out of your daze, did you start to feel guilty for any moments, hours, or even a day or two for feeling happy again? This was a huge problem for my late mother-in-law. Her husband took his own life in 2019. Then her daughter, (my wife), died in 2021. I did my best to support her even though she hated me, (she never forgave me for marrying her daughter. Heaven forbid she marry into a little money and into a loving family who treated her like gold, unlike her own mother and father), but she refused to try to get better. And in those fleeting moments when I could make her laugh or talk about something light-hearted, she started to get mad, at herself AND me, for feeling good for a couple of minutes. She kept saying that she didn't deserve happiness anymore.

As far as how I feel about being happy, well...........FUCK THAT. When I'm happy, I'm happy...AS MY WIFE WOULD HAVE WANTED IT. I have not felt guilty once in the last 3.5 years for enjoying the days or simply for feeling good. And I want to continue to feel better and better.

I would imagine guilt manifesting itself in the way that it did with my mother-in-law is a common thing. I also feel it's an unfortunate stumbling block for those who are really trying to get their heads straight again. But hey, I'm no preacher. Everyone has to feel the way that they want to about the loss of a loved one.

But like I said, I feel no guilt whatsoever. I've made it clear in earlier posts that my dating and marrying days are over. Not interested in physicality anymore. But I don't feel guilty if I see an attractive woman and feel the old stirrings again. I don't feel guilty if I can spend an hour or two with my old friends on the phone telling dirty jokes and shooting the breeze about the old days. Basically, I'm not punishing myself for healing.

Is there anyone out there who feels guilty for getting better? And don't worry, I'm not going to expound on your answers. I mainly want to read them.

This is going to be one of my last posts as I am ready to fly from this nest once and for all. I have a personally policy about support groups : Stay until you feel better. Not a minute more. I don't want to get bogged down in other people's misery and I don't want people getting upset with me for feeling better.

I am not closing down my Reddit account and if anyone wants to reach out to me one on one for my opinions or support, I pledged to help the best I can. You all saved my life a few years ago, whether you know it or not. That's a blood debt. And I can never fully repay it in my lifetime.

But I hope you all forgive me for bidding you farewell. I don't believe in 12 step programs. I have my own steps. And my final one is to leave this forum and put this mess in the rear-view once and for all. I am nearly there. My birthday is Saturday. The only gift I'm giving to myself is freedom. And I plan on leaving here permanently on that date. I'm going to be 54. I'm not spending my remaining years languishing. I have plans. I have purpose. And I'm a persistent schmuck who will not give up.

That's all folks. I will be looking forward to reading your responses to the guilt subject.

I truly wish all of you the best. We'll never be the same...........................but maybe we don't HAVE TO BE the same to be happy again. IDK. That's just me.

Be well everyone. And thanks to all those folks whose screen names I cannot remember from a few years back who saved my life. My chat box is always open should you need to vent.