Cannibals aren’t picky when it comes to eating people in the military.

What type of doctor treats transgender men?

My Latina wife used to seductively roll her r’s when speaking Spanish to me. But now that I’m into telling dad jokes she doesn’t do that anymore.

Asked my son what he learned at school today. He said, “Gay men like Sony, lesbians favor Yamaha, and transgender people prefer Bose.”

All I wanna do with my new 3-D printer is make an exact replica of my likeness, but I keep forgetting to buy enough filament.

At spring break my son came home from college. I hugged him and said “entury”. He’s like what does that mean?

Yo mama’s so fat

My neighbor alerted me that the water pump in my backyard was broken.

i i

My girlfriend is obsessed with perfectly tuning her guitar.

My wife asked me why was I blushing so hard when I came back inside.

I’m not into dating apps.

I was baking with my kid. She read aloud, “milk, flour, salt, eggs, and… dedeviltails? Not sure what that is, but this recipe looks simple enough.”

At dinner, my date asked if I had any special talents. “Actually, yes,” I said, “I grew up on a farm which allowed me to become a horse whisperer.” She leaned in, intrigued. “Really? How does that work?”

Oh, brother - get a load of this guy.

Real Life For Real “the HOA” (oc)

Hopefully you're not tired of these yet!

Real Life For Real “robbery” (oc)

Real Life For Real “the arthritis” (oc)

My girlfriend unexpectedly dumped me shortly after her organ transplant.

My son handed me the controller, begging me to help him finally win racing level against a dolphin, but I refused.

My ex wife got struck by lightning...

After months of getting in trouble, the principal suggested I take my kid to a child psychiatrist. But I flat out refused..

My family thinks I love re-watching The Hunt for Red October because I’m a huge Cold War nerd.

Real life For Real “Leprechaun Trap” (oc)